ETS - Euphamism for Total Shit

Occasionally, you get days where nothing goes right. Today is one of those days. My sleep schedule is completely fucked up, I can't seem to eat right, and I've been dealing with the enfuriating paperwork that ensues when applying for a graduate fellowship. Each rung you go on the academic ladder means one more transcript to send and one more institution to deal with. Berkeley, needless to say, is one of the more expensive and inane ones. The worst, howver, by far, is ETS, the assholes who administer the SATs and GREs. Those people should all be killed. The have two options for reporting test scores: 1. You call their number, which costs $6 per call (and I have been cut off before, forcing me to call back) and you have to enter a bunch of shit over the phone, which you inevitably mess up and have to re-enter, and then you get the worst--the goddamn worthless fucking $15 fee PER INSTITUTION YOU WANT THE SCORES SENT TO. The amazing thing is that you have to have an institution code to have your scores sent there. If you call, it takes at least 10 working days to process your order, which is absolutely ridiculous. They must employ only three monkeys to process orders, all of which live chained together in a warehouse in Miami and are paid only in cigarettes. The best part is that if your institution doesn't have a code and is still an 'authorized recipient' of the GRE scores, then you have to use mail, which takes even longer. Not to mention that, but by some strange happenstance, if your institution isn't authorized to see your scores, then they don't send them, don't tell you, and don't bother to give you your money back. NO REFUNDS is written on the bottom of their form. Hmm. Maybe they could make it more inconvenient by making it a 900 number where you pay by the minute, too. No, that's still less expensive than cutting you off and charging you $6 each time you have to call back.

I hope the keeper of the ETS monkeys is reading this. Everyone involved in ETS, with the exception of the poor enslaved monkeys, is a mother-fucking, ball-washing, puss-nuts, pencil-dicked, ass-eating, goat-humping, pig-raping son of a bitch. There. I've now said my peace.