Correct my Paper

When I was in 9th grade, we had an assigned problem set from our book to do. We were doing problems with physics, and we had one question about kinetic energy. Without giving us any numbers, the book asked us "Which has more kinetic energy, a battleship moving at full speed or a bullet being fired?" Aside from the semantic arguments you could make about the bullet not moving since it was 'being' fired, it is an interesting question. It was supposed to make you think about how velocity is squared in the kinetic energy equation ( KE = (m * V²)/2 ) and thus if two things have the same product of mass and velocity the one moving faster will have greater kinetic energy. However, I thought about this, and though the bullet is moving much faster, it is exceedingly lighter. I think the publisher didn't realize just how much a battleship weighs. So, I put down the battleship, knowing that the gross displacement of the USS Missouri is over 50,000 tons. I got my paper back, and found that it was marked wrong. I looked it over, then talked to the teacher. She showed me the answer in the book, and sure enough, it said that since the bullet was moving faster, it had greater kinetic energy despite its lower weight. I argued for a minute, but then gave up, as my teacher was only as smart as the book. This was before the heyday of the internet, so I didn't have ready access to the facts and figures necessary to calculate this sort of thing. This was just a gut feeling I had, that the Missouri at top speed had more kinetic energy than a bullet.

Today, I do have internet access. This question arose in my head this afternoon and I decided to put a 12 year old question to rest.

First, since we are assuming the use of the USS Missouri, an Iowa class battleship (the largest of the US fleet), we must assume that we are talking about a rifle bullet, not some wimpy handgun round. We will further assume that we're not talking about some light and slow subsonic .22LR round, but rather about a rifle with some punch, the .308 Winchester round. Further, we will also compare to the most powerful commercial round on the market, the .50 BMG.

First, we take a look at the kinetic energy of the .308 Winchester round. The bullet weights vary from 110 grains to 190 grains for the most part. The muzzle velocity on these is 3100 ft/s and 2395 ft/s, respectively. Converting to SI units and keeping in mind significant figures, we come up with a kinetic energy of 3170 J for the 110 grain bullet and 3197 J for the 190 grain bullet. Already, the velocity conception of the book's problem is falling flat, as the weight difference between bullets is outweighing the velocity.

Second, we look at the .50 BMG. This is a little more exciting. With a bullet weight of about 662 grains and a velocity of 2912 ft/s, we come up with 16,954 J of kinetic energy at the muzzle. I was impressed by this.

Then I went to www.ussmissouri.com and looked up the ship's details. It can do about 35 knots (highest declassified speed--it could probably do 37 or 40 knots) when fully loaded. Since we're comparing to the .50 BMG, we'll assume the ship is fully loaded. The ship, fully loaded, weighs 53,000,000 kg. Yes, that's right, fifty-three million kilos. Right here I was already thinking that we're orders of magnitude above the bullets, but I kept going anyway. After converting to proper units and calculating the kinetic energy, it comes out to 8,586,000,000 J. Eight point six billion joules. No shit. Hmm. Let's see... the physical science book I studied from was only wrong by five orders of magnitude.

If someone asked you where your house was, and you told them "On the moon", even at its apogee (farthest distance) from Earth, you would still be correct according to my 9th grade physical science book. I think I deserve a point back for that one.

ETS - Euphamism for Total Shit

Occasionally, you get days where nothing goes right. Today is one of those days. My sleep schedule is completely fucked up, I can't seem to eat right, and I've been dealing with the enfuriating paperwork that ensues when applying for a graduate fellowship. Each rung you go on the academic ladder means one more transcript to send and one more institution to deal with. Berkeley, needless to say, is one of the more expensive and inane ones. The worst, howver, by far, is ETS, the assholes who administer the SATs and GREs. Those people should all be killed. The have two options for reporting test scores: 1. You call their number, which costs $6 per call (and I have been cut off before, forcing me to call back) and you have to enter a bunch of shit over the phone, which you inevitably mess up and have to re-enter, and then you get the worst--the goddamn worthless fucking $15 fee PER INSTITUTION YOU WANT THE SCORES SENT TO. The amazing thing is that you have to have an institution code to have your scores sent there. If you call, it takes at least 10 working days to process your order, which is absolutely ridiculous. They must employ only three monkeys to process orders, all of which live chained together in a warehouse in Miami and are paid only in cigarettes. The best part is that if your institution doesn't have a code and is still an 'authorized recipient' of the GRE scores, then you have to use mail, which takes even longer. Not to mention that, but by some strange happenstance, if your institution isn't authorized to see your scores, then they don't send them, don't tell you, and don't bother to give you your money back. NO REFUNDS is written on the bottom of their form. Hmm. Maybe they could make it more inconvenient by making it a 900 number where you pay by the minute, too. No, that's still less expensive than cutting you off and charging you $6 each time you have to call back.

I hope the keeper of the ETS monkeys is reading this. Everyone involved in ETS, with the exception of the poor enslaved monkeys, is a mother-fucking, ball-washing, puss-nuts, pencil-dicked, ass-eating, goat-humping, pig-raping son of a bitch. There. I've now said my peace.

Strange Things and Weirdos III

While the crosswalk zen master isn't at the crosswalk anymore, I did see something today on one of the main roads that just made me shake my head. There was the dude who is missing his legs who gets around by pushing himself around on a skateboard; there's the 50ish woman who wears leggings reaching up to her knees made out of old blue jeans while she's wearing shorts; there's always the homeless people trying to sell you newspapers; and there's countless strange people with ridiculous colored hair. None of these things makes me shake my head. But the handicapped security guard did.

First, let's consider this: Mercantile Bank (or whoever) hires a man in a wheelchair to be a security guard. Honestly, it's probably a pretty decent job for a guy in a wheelchair--you just sit around all day anyway, why not get paid to do it while watching out for a store? Well, if he gets rowdy people that he needs to throw out, it will be tough, or if he needs to foil a robbery, he's not going to be able to beat someone up, but you know what? That's what guns were made for. I don't care if you're a cripple in wheelchair, as long as you can aim and fire a gun, you do just as much damage with the gun as our Governator who's much stronger. My thought is to give the cripple a gun, and let him do his job. Except that this guy is a rent-a-cop type security who doesn't have a gun. What does he have? No, not mace, not a baton, but a radio. Good. Just what we need, a cripple with a radio guarding a bank. Probably in the interest of not scaring people by having a firearm present at the bank, we have a useless security guard. The sad thing is, this poor guy is basically a target. If someone walks in armed, what is he going to do? Call for help? Ask the robber to pick up his radio if he drops it? As soon as he uses his radio, he gets shot. Ooops. Guess you should have been wheeling yourself out of the way while calling in the crime... but wait, that would require three hands--two to wheel yourself around, one to put the call in. Maybe if they got him a Little Rascal. What would calling someone accomplish? He'd probably get shot, especially if he was on a electric scooter, just because the robbers wanted something stupid-looking to shoot at. Jesus, give this guy a goddamn shotgun. Betcha you won't have a bank robber fucking with a cripple in a wheelchair when he's got a loaded 12 gauge.

This whole town is made for handicapped people, but they don't give the handicapped people the tools to do their job properly, or they give them a job they can't do. They are treated as equals. Guess what? They're not. They're missing legs, or arms, or whatever, and they can't function normally. Give them what they need to do their job or don't ask them to do something they can't accomplish. There's no point to asking a quadropolegic to be a fucking dock hand. Have the guy do some computer work or something.

This town is positively insane. Equal rights are for everyone. Equal responsibilities are for idiots. Responsibilities should be based on capacity, not rights.

Strange Things and Weirdos II

This town is fucked up. I walked in today carrying a roll of Kraft paper and a 3' long, 1/2" diameter steel rod in my backpack--sticking out, of course. I met 5 people I knew on the way in, and even more that I didn't know. Not a single one asked me what I had or what I was carrying. Makes me think that I could walk in here carrying a HEAT round and no one would ask any questions. I guess people have seen far stranger things so they don't think it's strange if they see someone carrying a large steel bar around. Maybe if I had a tree growing out of my backpack... Nah.

So, we have a double-whammy today. The first is amusing, but not so incredible. I'm walking up University, the main drag to campus in town, and see a guy ahead of me waiting for the crosswalk light. Yes, people actually use them here, and traffic actually respects pedestrians. It's incredible. This guy is a 40ish asian with black hair that's going gray in a pony tail, a slight pot belly, two wrist braces a gray T-shirt and black jeans that are a little ripped at the bottom. He's wearing those Morpheus-style sunglasses that just clip onto your nose. So, he's waiting for the light to change, and it does. He then turns 90 degrees and looks at the other crosswalk light, which is now red. I figured he had changed his mind or forgotten something so he had to go the other direction now. I've done that before. No big deal. By this time, I'm behind him, waiting for the same light he is. As soon as the light signals that he can walk, he turns 90 degrees and starts waiting for the other crosswalk light again. I sort of shook my head, but went across the street to the bank. I came out, and there he is again, still waiting on the same street corner for the light to change. What the fuck is he doing? Is he some sort of crosswalk zen-master, eternally waiting for the light to change, somehow deriving the secrets of the universe from his eternal torment like Sysiphus? Is he paid to monitor the times between crosswalk light changes? He wasn't even a button-pusher for the crosswalk light, because this crosswalk didn't have them. This town is full of people like this. You wonder what they get paid to do.

Just two more blocks up, right after I had bought my steel bar and kraft paper at the hardware store, I see the second and more amazing strange event of the day. Right in front of the university, on the street in front of the circle drive that is the beginning of campus, a car is parked on the street. And it's on fire. This is a late-model silver Mistubishi something-or-other, and it's parked at a meter along with a bunch of other cars, but this one is pouring smoke like a car from Grand Theft Auto that has hit one too many buildings. There's a small lawn just beyond the car where people sunbathe, and sure enough, people are laying out on their blankets, not 20 feet from this car, not seeming to give a shit at all, even that they were smelling burning God-knows-what from the engine. Well, I keep on walking, as I don't have a fire extinguisher and there's nothing I can do about it. I did resolve to tell the nearest person that I saw, or to call 911 when I hit a phone. As it turns out, at the top of this cirle drive, maybe 100 feet from this car on fire, is a little glass hut that houses some hourly student worker who answers questions, deals with parking slips, etc. He's in there with his back to the fire and reading a newspaper. I went up to him and said "You've probably already been told this, but there's a silver Mitsubishi down there on fire." He looks behind him and says "Oh yeah. Look at that smoke." No shit, Sherlock. It looks like the jolly green giant is burning tires on a barbecue grill there's so much smoke. Then he looks and says "Here comes the firetruck now. They'll take care of it." and he turns back around and starts reading again.

Now, at this point, there is a firetruck heading for this fire, so I figured that they were coming for it. They didn't have their lights and sirens on, which I thought was unusual, but this is a weird town, so I thought nothing of it. The firetruck is in the right hand lane. The car is just to the right of that, pouring out black smoke that's going to leave oil stains on everything in a two block radius. Then came the strange, weird, and ultimately amazing part. The firetruck kept on going. It didn't even slow down. Just kept on driving by. What do the firefighters do in this town?!? They see a fire and don't put it out?!?!? What was going through their minds? "Well, we didn't receive a call on it yet. Maybe it's just a false alarm." or "We're union and on break right now. Can't stop to put out a fire." What the fuck? What do they get paid for? Drinking in the firehouse? I lost all respect for the Berkeley FD today.

As far as I know, the car has burned itself out and our crosswalk zen friend is still waiting for the light to change. I hate this town.

Strange Things and Weirdos I

Starting tonight, I will be posting the weird shit that I see here in Berkeley. Kalifornia has more than its share of weirdos, but this city is insane. The rudeness, the apathy--that's Kalifornia. The weirdos and the occurrances that you double take at, those are Berkeley. This town is insane, from the dog with white mice crawling all over it to the 65 year old Jewish man with a bad temper and Turret's syndrome who is repeatedly thrown out of the post office. So we begin our saga.

I am walking through the North Berkeley safeway about 11:45pm, 15 minutes before closing. North Berkeley is the home of the super-rich, super-liberal, racist, xenophobic, arrogant and ultimately eccentric white people that live in Berkeley. Since there's so many white people, it's a good bet that they have a large percentage of serial killers. The crime in general is pretty low here, but the weirdo ratio is way up there. Anyway, I'm in the Safeway at this part of town. It's jammed with stuff, things falling off the shelves, I hate this store. It is unfortunately close and cheap, and being poor, I have to go there.

Walking to the check out lane, of course the only one that is open, as usual, when I notice a guy who's just checked out going through his groceries at the next check out stand over. He had gotten his stuff, and moved aside to rummage through his bags. No big deal, this guy doesn't look that weird; he'd pass for a physicist back home. He is maybe 55 with white-gray hair and sort of balding, wearing one of those crushable hats, some mundane collared shirt, a belt and some slacks. Clean-shaven, doesn't look dirty or anything, he appears to be a normal customer.

Until he pulls out a bottle of pasta sauce, opens it, and begins chugging it. This wans't Ragu Old World Style, either. It's the Chunky Safeway Select with Garlic. No shit. I almost choked watching him. Everyone in line was staring at him. He took a break, and looked at us all. All eyes quickly diverted to the soft-core porn of Maxim and Cosmo on the magazine racks, and the clerks went back to pretending they were really interested in the advertisements printed on the paper bags even though they see them every 2 seconds. Then he tilts his head back and keeps on chugging. He must have stood there for a good 5 minutes. I was done with my purchase and about to pull away from the counter when he left.

I think the cashier summed it up best after the man left with: "That man had some mighty powerful thirst."

Irresponsibile Stupidity, Times Two

It's amazing what you see when you ride the public transit system. I don't know if this is because those who use the public transit are usually the poor, uneducated and those who are generally shit on by society, or if it's because public transit just sucks. In either case, you see people. Although I usually rant about how shitty Kalifornia is, I think that the two things I saw today are more a symptom of the corruption and decay of urban life in america in general. Of course, Kalifornia still blows goats.

Waiting by the bus stop today, I saw two girls, maybe 12 years old, walking down the sidewalk, obviously from some fair because their faces were painted with glitter and one had a balloon. Now, this in itself is nothing astounding. However, you must consider where I live. I am poor. I must keep my expenses down and therefore live in an area of town that I wouldn't if I could afford not to. This is an area of town where I have nearly been attacked, witnessed a gang fight, and more drug deals than I care to remember. It is not the worst area of town, and it certainly isn't the west side of Oakland. It is not, however, a place where two pre-teen girls have any business walking alone. My bus stop is on a corner of an an abandoned school that serves as a shelter for the homeless, across the street from a liquor store, and next to a gas station that constantly smells like burning weed. I saw these two girls walking down the street, being ogled by the homeless men, and two other very seedy looking asian men walking down the street, and wondered where their parents were. As one of the asian men turned to leer backward at the girls, I simultaneously began thinking of what kind of society allows parents to have such little responsibility for their children and how fast I could push the asian guy in front of oncoming traffic if he made a move for one of the girls.

We should not have to live in a place where we have to fear for our children's safety. We should be able to send our children to the store to get something, and should be able to let our children play after dark. We should not have to live in fear of the darkness in the city, and our worst fears in an urban environment should come from raccoons overturning our garbage and traffic lights that malfunction. Sadly, this is not the case. In some places, especially in rural areas, parents don't have to worry about their children being attacked, except maybe by a coyote. Why are our cities such shit? The scum of the earth is attracted to the metropolis. Why people like cities for the 'culture' is beyond me. While we should not have to face these problems, we do have to face them. And since we have to face them, we need to be responsible for our children.

I found out where these girls had wandered from. As I rode the bus up the street, about 3 blocks up was the grand opening of a Jewish temple where a fair-like event was going on. I'm sure the kids came from here. Did their parents not tell them to not wander off? What the hell? Those kids could wind up raped and/or dead, and then people would bitch about how we need stricter laws and more survellience. Bullshit. Take more responsibility for your kids. You chose to live in this shithole called Berkeley, so be fucking responsible and make sure your kids don't wander off. You think some country folk go off telling the local sherriff how he should have been out shooting more coyotes if they leave their kids out in the field alone and they get attacked by coyotes? Fuck no. Why? Because people in the country take some fucking responsibility. They either don't leave their kids there alone in the first place, or if they get attacked, realize it was their own damn irresponsible fault. At least they understand it was part of nature. But you think their kids are going to be attacked by some pervert? No. Why? Because the communities out there are tight knit. People talk to each other. You know what would happen if some child molester showed up in one of those towns? People would stop and talk to him and ask where he's from and what he's doing there, and they wouldn't let him out of their sight until he left. Or they'd just shoot him if they didn't want to deal with it. People here won't even look at you if you pass them on the street much less molest some little kid. I doubt anyone here would have done anything had someone grabbed one of the little girls.

Which brings me to my next amazing incident on public transit today. Riding home today, I am sitting on the back of the bus near all the gang graffitti when two girls get on the bus and start talking to a HS male who's sitting to my left. The male has a fat lip, but no other discernable calamaties. They begin talking to each other, and the guy brings up the fact that he got in a fight after school today, which is where he got his fat lip. He tells this with some male machoistic bravado, like he's proud of it. One of the girls asks what happened, and he relates the story. Apparently, on his way home, some kids on the street were throwing things at them and they got into a fight. OK, well, seems reasonable, especially as he only has a fat lip and no big injuries. Seems like a scuffle. Anyway, one of the girls asks "Did they jump you?" and then the details come out. Apparently he was walking home, and some kindergarteners (he specifically mentioned 'kindergarteners' several times) were playing in the mud and threw some mud at him. So he beat the crap out of 7 of them. One of them managed to smack him in the lip as he picked him up. Way to go, asshole, you can beat up kindergarteners. Guess what? A fucking cripple can beat up kindergarteners, and he'd still be an asshole for doing it. If I saw a big high school kid (and this kid was like 6' and 200lbs) beating up some kindergarteners, I don't give a shit if the kindergarteners were trying to stab him with swords, I'd beat the high schooler until blood ran out his ears. If I had a gun, he'd be lying in a pool of his own blood in the street. There is no reason to beat up little kids. The amazing thing to me was the reaction of the girls: "Did you get 'em?" Like, what, he was going to get his ass beat by seven 4-year olds? Congratulations, you've just earned 'fuck off of the year' award. We wonder why our cities are so bad when there's people like this out there. We really need some kind of educational system that teaches instead of putting a rubber stamp on idiots like this.

So when you let your kids out at night on the wrong side of tracks and they get the shit kicked out of them by an asshole who likes to beat up kindergarteners, it's your fucking fault. Take some responsibility for your actions, and if you see some asshole beating up kindergarteners, take some community responsibility and go crush his skull with a baseball bat. The police will be on your side, trust me.