Ready for the Retards?

Yup, that's right, it's about that time of year for the short bus to stop again and drop off the latest batch of neglected, chemically-imbalanced, douche-bag, ball-washing, shit-headed, dick-licking assholes more commonly referred to as school shooters. Why? It's close to 4/20. Those dickweeds seem to love 4/20 for whatever reason. Never mind that most people who are high on pot are unlikely to do anything, much less shoot anyone. This is a copy-cat world, though, and since those asshat jerkoffs from Littleton shot up their school on 4/20, it's been the copycat idea to do something similar ever since. Black trench coats, hate for the world, leaving suicide notes, Nazi paraphernalia, whatever.

There are no excuses for shooting, stabbing, blowing up or killing innocent children, or people in general (though one may be able to make a case for lawyers...). I don't give a damn if you were just coming off your anti-depressants, or if you were skull-fucked by a mexican chihuahua when you were three. No excuses. If you go destroying the lives of innocent people, especially children in a public setting, you should be rotting in a nameless grave and not showered with media attention. The problem is that our media hypes these people up with all sorts of attention, publishes their idiotic manifestos and generally makes celebrities out of them. I completely disagree with this. Since we can't take back the publicity, I say we change it to be completely negative. I don't give a shit if it's libelous or not, let's give these kids negative publicity so that when they are researching their 'idols' on the internet, they'll come across stories of how he fucked a goat, not how he shot up his school.

And, without further ado, my tribute to those asshole school murderers, names excluded because they are too worthless for even a mention.




"I likes me the cock!"




"The smartest thing I've ever done was to staple my tiny testicles to my desk so that I couldn't ever reproduce."




"I am trying to hide my shame of my inability to add small numbers, like my dick."




"Here's me trying to be scary. Unfortunately, I come off as being severely constipated, which is erroneous, since my asshole is incredibly loose from frequent sex with my Barbies."




"I either have three lips or don't brush my teeth. Either way, I still look like God's gift to Lassie." (My apologies to Lassie)




"Since I am the only one of these fucktards still alive and in jail, I shall truthfully tell you that I am very excited to be Bubba's bitch down here in this nice, sweltering Mississippi jail."




"I was actually released after my slayings, then got arrested again, TWICE! I could use a good killing, but only after I make change for this kid here. What did you say? You wanted two tens for a five? OK, here you go."



Jesus. This doesn't even need a slanderous comment.